Emotions Run High: Part II

Maybe it was the nagging or the bossing around. Maybe it was the talking in hushed tones, constant fussing over my dad, or the various advice on what to eat/not to eat.

Or it could of been just lack of sleep from my dad waking up hungry in the middle of the night again. Whatever it was, by Tuesday, I needed a break. I told my dad that I might have to go out. My mom had gone, yet I felt I had gained two mothers in the meantime. My dad laughed.

My aunts complimented me at lunch for doing such a great job cleaning and washing. But it wasn't much comfort. I was starting to get snappy. That afternoon, when my dad went to sleep, I went to a nearby cafe to work on the blog. When I got back, my aunts were sleeping on the couch.

For dinner, my first aunt prepared bai cai xi-fen again, per my father's request, while me and my second aunt went to go get some bentos from this restaurant around the corner. We selected a lot of vegetable and tofu dishes. I also picked up two grilled chicken thigh pieces from a Thai restaurant.

My dad really enjoyed the meal. We had all kinds of stuff, like a mini-feast. My aunts made fun of me, because I only got one boiled egg (for my dad). They said that my dad could eat it and everyone else could "liou kou sui."

But as we were all eating, he started crying unexpectedly. This totally freaked my aunts out. They were like, "What's wrong? What's going on?"

My dad didn't say anything, he just asked them to leave him be for a second. A little later, they talked about coming back the next day. It was their last day, as they were flying out at night. My dad said it wasn't necessary. They should go out to shop. My first aunt was itching to go out on the town, I could tell. My second aunt said she hadn't been back to Taipei for 15 years, but she just wanted to spend time with my dad.

I walked them out, and I asked them what time they were going to come over tomorrow. I figured that it was their last day, and if they wanted to, they should spend as much time as possible with my dad.

As I cleaned up, I told my dad that he should rest as much as he could because we should really take my aunts out to lunch. "It's their last day here," I said. He agreed.

We sat around talking about how he was feeling, Medicare, anti-oxidants, his sisters, growing up, being emotional these last few days. I asked him what made him cry today during dinner.

He said he started missing my mom again.

The next morning, I found out that my dad couldn't really sleep. One of the side effects of the Capecitabine is sleeplessness. Even if he wanted to sleep, he couldn't. He would doze off, but wake up suddenly.

He told me that he kept having this recurring dream of him playing cards with another person whose family name was also Liu. It was these intense card games, and each time he would beat the other person. Each time he won, he would wake up, sweating profusely.

"I don't know what would have happened if I had lost," he said.

I said that maybe the dream was a metaphor: the other person he was playing against was really the cancer within him, and he was mentally trying to win his life back.

At around 10 a.m., we heard my name being called from outside. My dad said, "They're back?" I laughed and let my aunts in. They came in all happy, boisterous and loud. After a few minutes with my dad, I told them that they should let my dad rest if they wanted him to be able to go out to lunch.

At 12:30, I woke up my dad. He was tired, I could tell. He wanted us to go out and get take-out food. But he could tell from the expression on my face that we should go out. I wanted him to try and get up, instead of being home all day for the second day in a row. I helped him get into his clothes and he went to the bathroom to freshen up.

Of course, we went to Taipei 101 again. On the way there, the cab driver overheard my aunts talking about some wonder-soup that's supposed to be good for the body. He started talking about what this soup and that soup, I couldn't understand all of it because he was talking in Taiwanese half the time. But he said how he drinks it every day and he's so healthy. My aunt was like, yeah it must be good because I can tell from your LOUD VOICE.

We went to the Shanghainese restaurant and ordered xiao long bao, chicken soup, sauteed green vegetables and some small dishes including bitter melon.

My aunts were laughing, having a good time. At Taipei 101, they had a little time to do some last-minute shopping. My second aunt bought my dad a book about this woman who had cancer and cured herself just by switching to a healthier diet, eating organic vegetables and certain soups.

They left close to 2 p.m. We hugged goodbye. My first aunt said, "Next time we'll stay longer." Ha-ha-ha.

My dad and I hung out in the food court downstairs. He said being outside feels good. The air is better and he can people-watch. I could tell he hasn't been as sensitive to smells and noise as he was with the first round of chemotherapy.

When we got home, we both took a nap. We were both exhausted.

Emotions Run High: Part I

Monday morning, my dad asked me to call my mom to ask her about some business stuff. Our housekeeper answered and said my mom was out at a golf tournament.

Afterwards, I asked my dad if he was jealous that mom was out on a tour and playing golf. He replied, "No, I'm actually very happy for her."

Then he said how my mom doesn't make friends easily and it was hard for her to adjust to life in Shanghai. But now she gets calls from all these people asking her to do stuff.

My aunts came over at around noon, and since my dad was in good spirits, we decided to go out to eat. My second aunt likes nicer, sit-down establishments, so she suggested Taipei 101. We ended up at this Shanghainese restaurant, very close to the end of their lunch hour.

We ordered saguo yu tou soup, cao nian gao, and cai fan. The smallest bowl that the saquo yu tou soup comes in serves 10 people, but we put a pretty good dent in it.

My aunts left to take care of some business, so me and my dad hung out at Taipei 101 for a little while. Lately, my dad needs time to rest when he goes out. He can't just get up and go. He needs an hour or more to just rest his body before moving again.

We went home at around 4:30 p.m., taking the #5 little bus back to Wuxing Rd. I know that my aunts would have preferred us take the taxi, but I want my dad to feel that he can still do some things independently, even if it's with my help.

My dad told me that about a month or so ago, he went out by himself to eat. I'm not sure if he told my mom or what, but he set off on his own. Well, he had a sudden urge to go to the bathroom, and he had to ask the restaurant owner to let him use the bathroom. He was pretty desperate. We're talking small restaurant here, like hole-in-the-wall.

My dad says that he was praying "Om-yi tuo-fuo" the whole time, because he was in so much agony. He didn't even know if he could make it home. When he finally got the energy to leave the bathroom, his clothes were wet from sweating so much. He said he cried when he got home.

Occasionally, my dad will sweat a lot. I read somewhere that the liver helps regulate body temperature. In general, when we're at home, he feels hot even though he doesn't have a fever.

When we got home that day, my dad went to sit on the couch and immediately fell asleep. Within an hour, I heard my name being called outside. It was my aunts again.

I had thought they were gone for the day, but I was wrong. When they got upstairs, they said they went to Taipei 101 to look for us, but we weren't there.

We ate leftover wonton and bai cai xi-fen that evening. After my aunts left, my dad and I sat in the living room talking about his cancer and his meds. He told me to look up the Isotonix drink powder that my second aunt got him on the Internet. My aunt seems to be big on it. She wants my dad to drink 3 times the recommended dosage every day, to "catch up." She takes it regularly and swears by it, saying it makes her skin soft. Isotonix turns out to be high in anti-oxidants, although I looked at the label and it contained quite a bit of fructose sugar.

Sugar, especially refined sugar, I explained, is not good for you. Your body expends a lot of energy and B vitamins to break down sugar, so quite a bit of research says that refined sugar actually depresses the immune system.

I also explained to him the role of anti-oxidants and how some doctors believe that it could work against cancer meds. Firstly, they could repair cancer cells that are damaged on purpose by certain chemotherapy drugs, or block the efficacy of these drugs.

We agreed to take just the regular drink dosage and talk to the liver cancer specialist on Thursday to see what he says.

Somehow, the subject of my mom came up. My dad told me about how he never thought her family would help him out so much. My mom's brother really hooked him up with a reputable liver doctor, who helped get him out of the hectic emergency room and into a real hospital bed.

And then his eyes started to well up with tears. He told me when he was released from the hospital, it was my mom's birthday and he wanted to buy her a birthday cake.

"It's one thing if you don't have money to buy someone something," he said, crying. "You could get a piece of tofu - at least it shows you tried. But you feel so bad if you can't even cross the street to buy someone a cake - if you're not even physically capable of doing just that little thing."

Wonton and Xi-fen

Sunday morning, I got up at 7 a.m. and went to check in on my dad. He was awake, having not being able to sleep, and I could tell that he was feeling really uncomfortable. I went out to buy dou jiang and xie ke huang for breakfast.

After eating breakfast, I went to the bathroom to do my business. And two minutes into my prime reading time, I hear these voices from outside calling my name. My dad calls to me and says they're here. I was irritated because it's 10 am and they just drop by unannounced, and not to mention I'm busy.

So I let them in and tell them that my dad didn't sleep last night. They're like, "Why didn't he sleep? How come you didn't sleep?" I was like, because he kept thinking about Medicare!

They were going to leave and come back later, but since my dad was also looking forward to my first aunt making wonton, I suggested they stay. My dad corrected me, wonton and bai cai xi-fen.

Making wontons in a small apartment with limited dishes and tabletop space is sooo inconvenient. We made do with what we had, but this involved washing every possible bowl or dish multiple times because you needed them for prep and for eating. I think we only had four small bowls and a few plates.

My second aunt went out to get some plastic disposable bowls and a gigantic package of take-out chopsticks. I think she's the queen of low-maintenance eating. She'd rather not deal with cleaning up or cooking.

My first aunt, on the other hand, was busy washing, chopping, cooking. I helped her in exchange for her teaching me how to make Liu-jia wonton. You could tell which ones I wrapped.

When we finally sat down to eat lunch, my dad was quite pleased. He said that within the family, he was the one who would make wonton, and he taught my first aunt. They said that my first aunt had it rough. As the eldest daughter, she would cook and clean, and when she wanted to get married, my grandfather wouldn't let her.

I asked her if nai-nai taught her how to cook. She said nai-nai didn't cook, so it was just something that they had to figure out growing up. I wondered what it would be like if your parents didn't cook, especially back in their time after the Communist Revolution. And then I remembered my dad telling me when we went to eat at Kao Chi, how he wouldn't do his homework and got his friends to help him pass his classes.

I asked him what he did with his time. He said, "Dream." I laughed and said, what did you dream about? He replied, "I dreamed about food because we were so poor, a lot of the time we were just hungry."

My dad ate quite a bit of the wonton and bai cai xi-fen, so we were all quite pleased. But we hardly made a dent in the food. There were three big plates full of uncooked wonton and a large bowl of the xi-fen left. I didn't know where we were going to put all of this stuff. After all, all we had in the apartment was a small mini-fridge. The freezer section is smaller than a toaster.

My aunts left after my dad went back to bed. To avoid what happened this morning, I asked them to call us before they come tomorrow.

My dad took a nap and I cleaned up a bit. But seeing all the leftovers, I had to figure out what to do with them. So I took the MRT to the Carrefour in Kunyang to pick up some plastic food containers and ziploc bags. I got lost getting there and had to get a cab to get there. I realized then that there was no way I was going to make it back to the MRT stop with groceries. So I asked around which bus would take me to Taipei 101 and took the 281 bus back.

Along the way home, I picked up a pork chop bento box for my dad, which he liked. After packing away all the leftovers, I went to sit with him. He kept asking me why my mom hadn't called yet. We tried several times to call the apartment in Shanghai, but no one picked up.

We looked all over for her cell phone number. I remembered I had it written down on a piece of paper in my passport wallet. At that point, I realized I couldn't find my passport! I tore apart the apartment several times looking for that thing, but no luck.

Finally, I had to wake up my girlfriend in Los Angeles to get my mom's cell phone number. I dialed the number and my mom picked up. I told her we've been trying to call her and asked where she was. She said she was on a tour!

I passed the phone to my dad, and he talked to her less than a minute when, all of a sudden, he started crying. I was shocked. He handed the phone back to me and my mom asked me what was wrong. I didn't know, and of course, she started asking, "What did you do? Did you get in an argument with him? Did you ..."

To change the topic, I asked my mom if she had my passport. When she told me no, I started to worry. She told me to check under the sofa bed. Then she told me to stop fighting with my dad.

When I got off the phone with her, I asked my dad what was wrong. He told me that he missed my mom!

Jeez, am I such bad company?

Well, it turns out my passport wallet was under the couch. I called my mom back and told her I found it. Then I told her that we missed her, and she replied, "Hu suo ba dao."

Go figure.

The Aunties Arrive

On Saturday, I got up at 8 am, later that usual, because I wanted to rest. When I got up to go to the bathroom, the phone rang. It was my first aunt from Toronto. In a loud, booming voice she said, “Jeff, zhe si da niang-niang.” I had to hold the phone away from me because her voice was so loud. She told me that she and my second aunt from San Jose were going to come over at noon.

After hanging up, I started getting ready. By his request, I made a seafood omelette for my dad, using the toppings from last night’s pizza. It was a failed attempt at an omelette, as the non-stick pan lost its non-stickness and it turned out to be more of an egg scramble. I heated up the now-turned cheese pizza for him to eat as toast and poured him a glass of organic Concord grape juice. He didn’t finish the eggs – as it wasn’t quite fluffy enough – but he did have a glass of milk after his grape juice.

My dad took a nap to save up energy for the later arrival of my aunts. I too got ready – I swept the floor, cleaned the toilet and the bathroom sink, washed the dishes, did a load of laundry. I know that if anything is out of order with anyone in my family, I won’t hear the end of it for days ... or worse, years.

They arrived at around lunchtime, bringing with them a bag of about 20 lianmu fruit, a box of ginseng tea, six bottles of this Isotonix vitamin drink powder, in addition to the organic penne pasta, tomato sauce and pumpkin spice granola that I had requested from my sister. We could have opened up a supermarket in our one bedroom apartment.

My first aunt from Toronto and I went out to buy lunch. I remember my mom saying that there was a dao xiao mian place around the corner. So we went there and me, not knowing how to read Chinese except niou rou mian, ordered that for me and my dad. Plus, he told me yesterday that he wanted to eat some beef. This little thing turned out to be one of those moments you never hear the end of.

After lunch, we went to Taipei 101 to have some coffee and hang out. When my dad went to the bathroom, my aunts were like, “Jeff, you shouldn’t let your dad eat anything too salty." I said yeah, I know. They said, well, you shouldn’t have let him eat niou rou mian. Or next time dilute the soup with water. And when you go out, make sure you ask them not to put any MSG in his food …

Oh boy ... this is going to be a long week.

Around dinnertime, we thought it'd be better to just eat in at Taipei 101. I surveyed the fourth floor for restaurant options that fulfilled my dad's request: meat. My dad told me the day before that he had been wanting a good steak, so we ended up going to Tony Diamond’s Italian Restaurant in Taipei 101. All their steaks came with sauce and so he ordered one with pesto. I requested that the sauce be put on the side.

Luckily I did because he didn’t like the pesto, thought it was too salty. He would’ve been fine with just eating the steak, but he had dropped his fork and well, he then had a grudge. I picked it up and a minute later he said where’s the fork that I dropped. I said that I had it. He said that the manager was poorly trained. I asked why, and he replied that the manager saw him drop his fork and should have come over to replace it. Instead, the manager just walked on by. My dad then had the look. The look where he’s scanning the room looking for a target.

Well, a few minutes later, he called over the waitress and told her: 1. The pesto was too salty 2. The corn wasn’t cooked enough and 3. The string beans were too firm.

The manager came, apologized and replaced the pesto sauce with a mushroom sauce (they didn’t cook the vegetables again). So when he got the sauce, I tasted it and said that it had a sweet flavor, but was still kind of salty, like a gravy.

He proceeded to dunk pieces of his steak into this gravy. So I said, hey, you should be careful, it’s still salty. He looked at me and just waived his hand like, Don’t tell me not to eat it ‘cuz I’m gonna eat it; it’s just a little and it’s my body and I want to do what I want. Just fuhgeddaboudit.

I looked around and there was no one there to back me up ...

It was a pretty good steak for NT$600.

That night, my dad couldn't sleep. He wasn't sure whether it's because of the coffee he drank or what. I heard him get up at 2 a.m., then again at 4 a.m. when he took leftover niou rou mian out of the fridge to eat. He was fiddling with the plastic bag surrounding the container and it quickly became annoying. I got up and thought Oh my God, he's trying to cook. I told him to go sit down, and heated up the noodles for him although I was half asleep.

When I asked him why he couldn't sleep, he said he was engrossed in thinking about going back to the U.S. in October, when he turns 65 and qualifies for government Medicare insurance. After talking with my second aunt, he had suddenly become interested.

Prior to her arrival, she mentioned this to me over the phone and I was instantly aware that she would plant this in his mind. I don't know why, but I just had this feeling. I asked my dad a few weeks ago if he wanted to move back and he said that he didn't want to. "Never," is what he said. He didn't want to live the kind of life he had in the States, where one has to struggle to maintain their quality of life.

I remember on Christmas Eve in Shanghai, my parents took me to eat niou rou mian at this tiny shop. The owner and his friends who ran it seemed to all be from Taiwan. But they were like my dad: They moved from Taiwan to the U.S., worked, retired and moved to Shanghai, while their kids stayed in the States.

The owner of that niou rou mian shop also said he would never go back for the same reason. Shanghai, to them, is a place where they feel comfortable, and can relax, and pursue small business ventures that won't put them out on the street if they didn't succeed.

But he changed his mind about moving back to the States. He is now considering it. Not that I'm advocating that choice, but sometimes I wonder what my aunt said to him. In Chinese, you say that she is li hai.

I just wished he didn't lose a whole night's sleep over it.

First Week Back With Dad: Part II

On Friday, my dad had for breakfast orange-mango juice, a piece of toast and two eggs over easy, by request. For me, breakfast is the easiest meal of the day to make. I think in a previous life, we must have been farmers because my family loves to eat eggs. I once asked my sister the most she ate in one day. She said she had 8!

After breakfast, he asked for some pineapple. My mom had cut some up for him yesterday morning. About an hour later, he complained about his mouth hurting and bleeding. I put two-and-two together and I realized why he felt the liang mian the day before was spicy. His mouth was bleeding then too. He had eaten pineapple before lunch so obviously it was this fruit that was causing him so much pain. I pointed this out to him and we both agreed that he was not to eat anymore.

For lunch, I figured he wouldn't want anything hard or would require a lot of chewing, so I went out and got shui jiao from this place next door. They make great baozi and frozen dumplings for you to cook at home. I also made a kaiyang danhua soup, to balance it off. My dad had 7 jiaozi and two small bowls of soup. It seems like he was getting his appetite back.

Later that afternoon following his nap, I wanted to go to Bo Ai Lu, Taipei's camera district, to buy some black and white film. My dad said he would come along, so we took the #22 bus to Taipei Main Station and walked 3 blocks to the district. On the way there, my dad tried out a few canes, and bought a collapsible one for NT$400. It's kind of cool - it pulls apart into four pieces which you fold into a bag. Then when you take it out, it snaps together by itself.

When we got to Bo Ai Lu, my dad said he would wait for me at a place around there and have a snack. I told him that I would walk him, that way I would know where he is. He insisted that I don't, saying that I would be wasting time by going with him, and to just call when I'm done.

About an hour later, after successfully navigating about 30 shops, I called him to see where he was so that we could go eat dinner. I called about 4 times and no answer. Then on the fifth try, he picked up. I asked him where he was. He said "McDonalds." McDonalds!!!

After what happened the day before, I was really pissed off. Fuming. I got there and he was sitting reading a newspaper. I asked him, of all the places here, why did he choose McDonalds? He asked me what the big deal was.

I said, "You know it's not good for you."

He replied, "All I'm having is a snack."

An ice cream sundae, half a chicken sandwich and a drink at 5 p.m. is not really a snack, is it? I said I felt like he was trying to sneak a trip to McDonalds because he knew I wouldn't approve. And then I told him I was particularly incensed because we were supposed to go eat pizza after going to Bo Ai Lu. He said that we could still go.

So we took the MRT to the Sun Yat-Sen Memorial and I brought him to this place called Capone's. The place wasn't gangsta, but I felt like cappin' someone. We started arguing again after sitting down. I told him that if he wants to eat hamburgers, that's fine. It's his body, after all. But of all the places that he could eat at, why does he choose the place with the worst food for him?

We ordered a large seafood pizza, a soup for him and a salad for me. He had two slices of pizza and ate most of the soup. It was actually pretty decent thin-crust pizza. At around 7:30 p.m., more people started coming in. The waiter said that there was a band playing at 9:30, but we left at 8 p.m.

When we got home, I gave him his medicine, and that was a struggle. He's supposed to be taking 3 tablets of Capecitabine, 1 tablet of Tramal Retard, 2 tablets of Magnesium Oxide, and one Prometin. He just wanted to take the Capecitabine. He reasoned that he wasn't in pain, he was pooing normally, and he wasn't feeling nauseous. My dad added that the Tegafur/Uracil and Thalidomide trial didn't allow him to deviate from his prescribed regimen, but now he can.

Thinking about how he's been doing, and how his appetite has been pretty good, I told him fine. I've also seen how the drugs have been controlling him and making him feel just plain uncomfortable. We ultimately want him to be comfortable, right?

Right. And ultimately, I wanted some sleep. Because the next day, the aunties were to arrive ...

First Week Back With Dad: Part I

Hi everyone, I'm in Taipei right now. I arrived last Monday. A lot has happened in the past week, so I have a great deal to write about. I just haven't had a lot of time to write about all this.

I arrived Monday at 6 a.m. and took the bus to the Sun Yat-Sen Memorial. From there, I took a short taxi ride to Wu Xing Road, where my parents are renting an apartment. From the pictures, you can tell that it's not that big, but a pretty decent size for two people.


I walked in and saw my dad sitting at the desk in the bedroom. I went to hug him, but to be honest, I was really shocked. When I got closer, I saw that he had lost so much weight. I couldn't even recognize him - he looked like he just got out of a concentration camp.

He was skin and bones: his jaw and chin was smaller, the dimples had disappeared, and his eyes - his eyes were big and round. His eyes said everything. They told me that the medication had taken a hard toll and it was, as he said, controlling him.

I had never seen my dad in such a frail state. I wanted to cry, but I held back, forcing myself to be happy to see him. I finally had to leave the room so that I could give myself some time to take all of this in.

I learned from my mom that the results from his ultrasound and CT scans came back with little positive results. The Tegafur/Uracil and Thalidomide combination kept the tumor in check, but its size was still quite large. The drugs were also making him dizzy and causing him to throw up. The drugs also made him constipated, so when he didn't go poo, he was reluctant to eat.

The cancer specialist took him off the cancer meds the week of the 15th. He presented a number of alternatives: Sorafenib, Bevacizumab, Capecitabine, Erlotinb (I wonder who comes up with these names), and said that we could research them and decide which one to take. He still prescribed all the other medication for my dad: the pain killer Tramal Retard, Magnesium Oxide, Prometin and Lasix. When I arrived, my dad started to refuse to eat some of these pills, which were for the side effects of the pain killer and cancer drugs.

The next day, my sister called and I asked her to pick up some things for my dad that I hadn't considered bringing: green tea, spaghetti sauce, pasta, granola, a toaster, bagels. My mom warned me that they didn't have a lot of dishes, let alone a towel for me. But being there, I saw that there were many comfort foods for my dad which Taipei didn't have. Or they had, but it just wasn't the same as back in the States.

That day, me and my mom went to the Chunghwa Telecom office to setup DSL internet service at home. On the way back, we stopped at this place called New York Bagels. Wondering if it was any good, we ordered to go a turkey sandwich on an onion bagel and a roast beef sandwich on my dad's favorite: sesame bagel. It turned out to be pretty good, my dad finishing 3/4 of his sandwich.

That afternoon, we went to go see the liver doctor. He said that the cancer specialist did the right thing by taking my dad off the Tegafur/Uracil and Thalidomide treatment. He said that a cancer patient has a window of opportunity to neutralize the tumor before it spreads. Once it spreads, cancer becomes really difficult to treat and creates a lot more problems.

After sharing the list of cancer drugs the specialist had provided as options, he advised us to go by the cancer specialist's recommendation. My dad then asked about using acupuncture to help relieve some of the side effects. The doctor neither said it was a good idea nor disapproved. He just said that since my dad isn't in the experimental trials for the Tegafur-Thalidomide combination, my dad has more control over his treatments. My dad can say, "This is making me feel ill and I would like to switch," and he could.

On the flip side, he now has to pay for these medications, as they aren't covered by Taiwan's health care system, or covered only partially.

That evening, my dad started hiccuping uncontrollably for some reason. We think it's from him cutting off his medication. By this time, he said he didn't even need to take the pain killer and so he refused to take it despite the doctor's orders. We tried several different things to stop the hiccuping, but it didn't really work.

It went away, but it came back at night. Sleeping next to him on the bed, he would wake me up with his incessant hiccups. The next day, the hiccups became more frequent. Holding his breath wouldn't help. Breathing in a brown paper bag wouldn't help. Eating sometimes helped.

You could tell that he was annoyed and was losing sleep over it. Wednesday night, I slept outside on the sofa bed with my mom. But my dad woke me up each time he started hiccuping. I got up each time at 2 a.m., 4 a.m., and 6 a.m., to get him some warm water, which helped.

Needless to say, I was getting cranky because I didn't sleep well those past two nights. On Thursday, my mom was leaving for Shanghai, so she was busy packing and getting ready to go. I made liang mian, with organic wheat noodles. My mom ate, hugged us goodbye and headed off to the airport.

So, of course, my dad and I got in an argument no less than 30 minutes after my mom left. We were arguing over him not eating lunch. He said it was too spicy. I said you didn’t even try it. Then he said he wanted to cry because his whole mouth burned.

I told him that he was making excuses not to eat, and that if he wants to prepare himself for the next round of chemo, he better gain some weight back. He said that he wasn’t making excuses, adding that my mom had told me to come and he didn’t ask me to come. Then he told me to get out of the room.

You know how a child tests you to see if they can get away with something? I felt the same way here. I felt that since my mom left, he feels he can do whatever he wants. She was controlling his diet, and he probably felt like he was being held hostage because she wouldn’t let him eat pizza or a hamburger or anything he knows he's not supposed to eat.

That afternoon, we went to the cancer specialist. I was pretty mad still, then annoyed because my dad started hiccuping on the busride over to the hospital. As if my life couldn't get any more unpredictable, there was this mentally ill woman who sat in front of me and was having elaborate conversations with herself.

But when we met with the doctor, I tried to focus on the tasks at hand. We talked about his diet and how he's been doing this past week without his cancer medication. We then went over the meds that he had suggested last time and the costs of each.

Finally, the cancer specialist suggested my dad take Capecitabine and wrote a prescription out. My dad was still hiccuping and the doctor wrote a prescription for that too.

When we got back from the hospital, my dad wanted to eat. I pointed out that it was 5 p.m. and asked if this was dinner for him. He said no, and I got irritated because he was going to throw off his entire eating schedule.

So he ate mi fen at this place around the corner. We went back home and I passed out until about 9 p.m. I accompanied my dad to get something to eat, but I was still pretty wiped out and not hungry at all. This was, after all, the first day without my mom.

Laundry List

I talked to my dad on Friday night. He and my mom sound like they are in better spirits. I told them that I would be leaving in a week to go see them. Of course, they gave me a laundry list of stuff to bring.

My mom asked for a water filter that attaches to the kitchen faucet. My dad wants me to get him an electric toothbrush for himself and a couple of boxes of chocolate for the doctors and nurses that have been helping him. He said he doesn't want any more clothes since last time I brought him stuff, all of the shirts didn't fit because he lost so much weight.

On Friday, he had a blood test and an ultrasound, but he has to wait until this week to get the results. Will report more when I found out more.

Now I have to go shopping.

Chinese New Year Blowout

I know it's been a long time since I have written. Things have gotten busy with work, and frankly I haven't been in the mood to write.

I called my parents about 2 weeks ago for Chinese New Year's and my mom basically yelled at me for 10 minutes. I don't know if it's because she's mad or because here hearing isn't so good. Probably both.

Then my dad reiterated what she said. It seems that they are concerned about people visiting them. Since my dad is sick, it's not like he can entertain them, take them out or talk to them for a long time. He's just not in good enough shape to do this. And then my mom doesn't want to have to be put in the position of having to cook and entertain any guests.

From what I can tell, they are both under a lot of stress. The job of preparing meals for my dad has been challenging for my mom. While they were in Shanghai, she didn't cook very often because it was just two people, and they had an ayi who is a great cook.

My parents even told me that I shouldn't come. "You can't cook. You'll be no help," my mom said.

Well, I can cook ... I've just never had to prepare 3 meals a day for someone else.

My mom also got the latest blood test results from the doctor. A lot of it she can't understand and I'm having trouble translating the medical terms from Chinese to English. But basically, once he started the chemotherapy, it's had a positive effect:

								11/1/07					31/1/07				14/2/07
Glutamic-Oxaloacetic Transaminase (GOT)								95					42				36
Glutamic-Pyruvic Transaminase (GPT)								124					35				31
Alkaline Phosphatase (ALP)								655					370				276
White Blood Cells								16,200					6,700				6,800
Red Blood Cells								10.7					11.7				10.4

From what I researched, GOT and GPT are both transaminases, or enzymes that enter the blood in large quantities only when the cells that make and house them become destroyed. High levels of GOT and GPT mean that liver cells are damaged. ALP is an enzyme found in all cells, but particularly in high concentrations in liver cells and can indicate whether a person's liver is damaged.

As you can see, the decrease in these enzymes, as well as his white blood cell count, is a good sign. However, the numbers, I believe are still higher than normal.

My father says that since I left, he's thrown up his food at least once a week. However, ever since he's been taking the new drugs - Prometin and Farlutal - he's gotten his appetite back.

I don't know if that's a good thing. The day I called, my dad wanted to eat egg rolls. My mom said no. Then he wanted to eat pizza. She wouldn't get it for him. Then he got mad.

"This medicine makes me feel this way," he said. "Sometimes my temper's not good. Sometimes I can't control my temper."

Well, speaking from experience, I can't say that his temper was ever very good.

For the past week, it's been difficult getting in touch with my parents. They either weren't picking up my dad's cell phone or it was turned off. Then on Thursday night, my sister called me and said that my mom called her with a new phone number. Apparently they got in a fight and the cell phone ... well, let's just say it explains why we couldn't get through to them.

I called my parents on Friday night and my mom seemed stressed out, tired, sad. She didn't say much about the cell phone or the fight. Neither did my dad.

He sounded tired and he kept talking about how the medication "controls you."

"You are so tired. It's not that you're really tired. It's the medicine that makes you tired," he said.

My mom reported that my dad's been gaining weight because of the new meds, and told the doctor that he wants to stop taking the Farlutal.

This Friday, he's going to be getting an ultrasound and another blood test. The ultrasound will show if there's been some real progress in reducing the size of the tumor in his liver. My dad says that if the progress isn't significant, they may switch chemotherapy drugs.

Keep your fingers crossed. As for me, I might be heading to Taipei in a few weeks to help relieve my mom. Well, I dunno - she doesn't want me to go, she wants me to go, ...

Found a Place

Good news! I spoke to my parents last night and they just signed a lease for an apartment! Woohoo!

I was worried there for a little bit, since there weren't any new prospects and it looked like they would have to stay longer in the hotel. But Ms. Zhang, the nice agent who showed us the roof-top apartment, found this place and my parents didn't hesitate to get it.

It's a 1 + 1/2 bedroom apartment, fully furnished, with living room and kitchen, on the second floor of an apartment building with elevator access. They will be paying NT$20,000 a month.

So the apartment is located in the Xinyi district, near Xinyi Rd. (Section 5) and Wuxing Rd. It's not the most optimum location, as I heard they have to take a minibus (NT$15) to get to the nearest subway stop, the City Hall station. Looks like it's pretty close to Taipei 101, which you can see in the photo above that I took on Jan. 21.

I'm not sure if they will be staying that long, but for what it's worth, Taipei is building an MRT line down Xinyi Rd. I checked the Taiwan tourist website and they said it won't be completed until 2011. Looks like it will connect with the Blue line at Guting.

I asked my dad what he thought of the apartment and he said that it was "OK," so I'm not expecting a new apartment or anything. But he did say it was clean and had everything so all they had to buy were new sheets and blankets.

My dad sounded good today. He told me that he's been really uncomfortable the past few days because of constipation. But he increased the frequency and dosage of magnesium oxide tablets he's taking to three times a day, and that's helping.

"My head, I still can't move too quickly. Otherwise, I get dizzy," he added.

My mom's spirits seem good, as one big hurdle has now been passed. They have an appointment with the cancer specialist again tomorrow morning, so I'll report later on that.

Up Not Down

Talked to my dad tonight. His voice sounded really normal, I was surprised since he usually sounds tired.

I told him that he sounded better and he said he feels good today. "It's really up and down."

"When you feel dizzy, or when you feel like throwing up, you really feel uncomfortable. Yesterday , I felt like throwing up. The medicine is helping, but sometimes there is still a little bit that makes you feel sick."

He added, "Everytime I take a bath, I feel so tired. I have to change my schedule - next time I take a bath should be before going to sleep."

My mom says that they still haven't found a place yet. They've been looking, but some of the apartments are actually shared with other people and there are those that are not willing to rent on a short-term lease.

They went out today to the bank and post office, mainly to make a donation to the Foundation that the liver specialist works with. From what I understand, the Foundation helps those who cannot afford adequate medical treatment. I will add a link when I find out it's name.

First Test Results

I talked to my mom and dad just now. My mom said the visit to the cancer specialist went well. The specialist told my dad that his blood test results showed that he had improved a lot. And he also told him that eating is necessary to help speed his recovery. He had lost 4 pounds from last week's checkup!

So the doctor prescribed some new meds to help him get his appetite back:

PROMETIN - counteracts nausea and vomiting symptoms
FARLUTAL - increases appetite, but is also a cancer drug

It seems to be working already. This morning, he had two bowls of rice porridge and a fried egg. For lunch, he had 4 pieces of Inari sushi and some other street food!

With the new pills, he said, he hasn't gotten dizzy or nauseous. Today, he's feeling much better, for lunch he stopped by a food stall to eat some fish cake tempura (even though he's not supposed to eat stuff like that).

"Before, when I walked by those stalls," he said, "I wouldn't even lift up my head. Today, mom went into this small restaurant and I didn't have any problem with it. I used to get nauseous just from the smell."

My dad said jokingly that I did a better job taking care of him than my mom (My dad is the king of sweet talk). And he acknowledged that it's not easy: walking slow with him, talking slow with him.

Tonight, my mom said, they will go eat hot pot. And on the apartment front, she made some calls today and they're planning on seeing some apartments tomorrow.

Back in Los Angeles

I’m now back in L.A. I got on a 7:20 a.m. shuttle bus to Taoyuan International Airport yesterday morning. Not wanting to give my dad more ammunition for any “irresponsible” behavior, I made sure that I got to the airport early (also since I missed my New Year’s Eve flight in Shanghai).

I said goodbye to my dad and told him to take care of himself and stay strong. He thanked me for coming and we hugged. My mom walked me to the shuttle stop and we talked about his appetite. She said that once they find an apartment to rent, he’ll be better.

Before I left, I went over with my dad what he can and can't eat. The doctor provided a table of information that will help guide him, which in summary says:

Things My Dad Can Eat:
It's still OK for my dad to eat most things, but particularly it mentions stuff high in protein like egg yolks, milk, cakes, ice cream, soy milk, soy products, and tofu. Then of course, fruit, vegetables, and rice. Green onions, ginger and garlic will enhance his appetite.

Things My Dad Can't Eat:
Avoid salty foods especially when his feet are swelling/there is water retention. Not too much fatty meats, innards, stuff cooked in animal fat, ham, sausage. Preserved foods like beef jerky, smoked chicken, salted fish, preserved egg, tea egg (lots of soy sauce in it?), beef ball, fish ball, pickled vegetables, and any canned food. Also, he should avoid fast food of any kind - fried chicken, hamburger, peanut butter, some crackers, cookies, instant noodles. Then it says stay away from za cai, do ban jiang.

The morning I left, my dad had an appointment for a blood test. And the next day, he'll have to go in for an appointment with the cancer specialist, who will give him his results. By this evening, I should have a new report.